Some People's Definition of "Listening" is Waiting for Their Turn to Talk.

Listening isn't just hearing...and it isn't waiting for your turn to talk either...which is all too often how most people define it. No, listening is understanding; understanding how our customers think and feel at that very moment while they sit across from us and tell us "their story." That's connection. That's personal power as a sales expert.


Listening is the highest form of persuasion and one of the greatest compliments you can pay someone. For if people perceive they have your full attention, that you are listening to what they are saying, they will in turn listen to you. ..and be endeared to you and loyal as a customer.

In order to be a good listener, avoid preoccupation. That is, avoid thinking of something else when you are supposed to be listening and thinking about the customer in front of you. I know at one time or another, we are all guilty of being preoccupied. Our days are busy, family concerns press upon us, work is stressful; so it's natural for us to wander off at times when these thoughts or images push to the forefront of our minds and divert our attention from the customer sitting before us. I understand that natural part of the human condition. What isn't natural is the disciplined approach of "paying attention" to the customer.

I was at Lowes a few weeks back trying to buy some deck stain. I was talking to the "sales professional" in the paint department explaining to him what I was wanting to do. As I was speaking to him, telling him that I wanted a semi-translucent stain versus a paint medium that doesn't allow the wood grain to show, he was looking beyond me; somewhat distracted. I don't know what he was looking at. It was brief, ever so subtle and barely perceptible, yet obvious to me…the customer. He was somewhere else, mentally...not present with me listening to what I wanted and needed. And it didn't make me feel very good to know he didn't hear a word I was saying.


That fact was further evidenced when, no sooner had I told him I didn't want a paint medium that covered and hid the wood grain, did he proceed to show me a paint medium that covered and hid the wood grain!

Now in my case, it was a small matter. I was just looking for the right deck stain. But the feeling is the same no matter what the buying circumstance. He wasn't listening to me and he wasn't giving me his attention…a most awful feeling from the customer's perspective. Consequently, I decided to go to a different store that was 30 minutes away to spend my money. Why? Because at Lowes I didn't feel special, valued, validated, or whatever word that could be used to describe that feeling of being ignored and not made to feel special. And whenever I'm spending money, I want to feel as good about it as possible. The last thing I want to feel is unappreciated for spending my hard earned cash.

So here's the single best thing you can do for yourself, and your customer, when it comes to improving your listening skills. Are you ready? Now this is revolutionary and "out of the box" kind of thinking. But I'm willing to share the secret with you even though it might be a little intellectual for some of you. The best thing you can do to improve your listening skills is to LOOK PEOPLE IN THE EYE. There you go. I said it. Now you know the secret to making people feel good about you and feel good about spending money with you...That secret is listening to people with your eyes.

That simple act is one of the most powerful techniques any sales expert can employ to improve their listening skills and to gain a favorable footing with a customer quickly. If you think most people or sales experts already look people in the eye, I challenge you to do your own independent study of sales people in your day-to-day life. See if they do it...look you in the eye; when they are "selling" you something. Ask yourself, "Are they intently fixed" on what I am saying; are they undistracted and interested only in what I am saying as evidenced in their eye contact with me? I think you will be surprised at what you "see."


People don't just communicate through words. They also communicate and persuade by the tone of the voice and in the visual realm in terms of body language, gestures and a "look." All these are cues and keys to good listening and convey either a positive or negative message to the customer depending upon their use...or lack of use.

We are intuitive creatures. We pick up on the subtle distractions that draw a person's eyes away from us betraying their boredom, or worse yet, their disrespect for our need to be heard, paid attention to and validated as individuals and consumers. So when someone fails to look at us and fix their eyes and attention upon us, we don't get a good feeling about them or our prospects of getting what we need. Now just imagine how it must feel to our customers when we fail to look them in the eye and give them our full attention.

So the "eyes" have it! Do you want to make your customers feel good, feel special and valued? Then look them in the eye and you'll hear every word they say. In turn, they'll love you for it!