Knowledge about people and a fundamental understanding of the dynamics of how behavior and one’s thinking are inextricably linked together is a valuable asset for the sales expert. That knowledge can spell the difference between being a great salesperson and a “not-so-great’ salesperson. Even though there are some inherently universal underlying personality traits among people, among customers, such as our natural tendency to be judgmental; people are still very different and very, very interesting when we examine individual behavior.
But, I think one of the most constructive lessons as a sales professional that I have learned is a lesson, not focused on the customer themselves, but a lesson focused on me as a professional in the insurance and financial services industry. An awareness of personality types and character traits within customers and the buying public is important and useful, as I’ve stated. But, it is an awareness and understanding about me, and even my profession, and my personality and character traits that has proved to be the most valuable facet of personal and professional growth I have ever experienced.
The power of understanding how self-image ties into individual behavior, personal results and outcomes, and a person’s likelihood for success in life is one of the greatest and most valuable sales lessons that can be learned.
I am Not a Psychiatrist...But I Do Play One at Work from Time to Time
I am not a revisionist historian; nor do I blame my parents, or any one for that matter, for my current faults, failures, and imperfections in life. Yes; I come equipped with all the standard human weaknesses, fears, psychological worries and imagined boundaries that the next person possesses. In fact, my family would probably say that I come “fully equipped” with all the extras when it comes to the psychological baggage that human beings can imagine for themselves.
But, I also understand that when past circumstances have been less than favorable for me in my maturation and development, ultimately the interpretation of those circumstances and whether or not they produce positive or negative results remains a personal choice nonetheless. Environment and personal choice play large roles in shaping our futures and our outcomes.
In developing this thought about self-image and the connection it has to actual real world performance results as a professional and as a person, I think it is helpful to be truthful about some of my own personal experiences and resultant thinking and outcomes.
What You Think…Is What You Are…
The connection between our individual experiences and circumstances and what we think of them directly affects outcomes for us. What we think…is what we are…. As I said, I am not a revisionist historian who blames others and their parents for their own problems in life. My parents did a fine job in raising us. But in sharing with you my revelations into the power of self-image, I begin with a story about my father.
Born in the 1930’s, my father was of a generation that was resilient and self reliant. He was a brilliant man; able to work with his hands building a home or fixing plumbing and electrical problems while just as easily as solving the Sunday crossword or managing one of the many businesses he was involved in. He had a college degree, worked as a professional within the parole and penitentiary systems, owned businesses, tried his hand at acting, was gregarious; the kind of individual who could work with both his hands and his mind. He was truly an extraordinarily talented man.
He was also a disciplinarian…prone to being somewhat overly critical at times. It was just his way when it came to dealing with his children. I don’t fault him for it. In fact, it can be said that dad’s style created a mental toughness, of sorts, that has stuck with me even to today. But, it also was the reason for some other “not-so-beneficial” ways of thinking that I adopted as well.
I recall one day when I was about seven years old, dad was working on the furnace in the basement. I was there watching him; ready to help if he asked for anything. At some point, dad had asked me to hand him a tool; I’m not too sure what exactly it was that he had asked me to give him. But, in any event, it was the wrong tool. His reaction was less than approving…Let’s say it was one of his “overly critical” moments for me.
In the aftermath of his disapproval, I remember thinking that “dad is really good with his hands, but I am not.” I thought, “I’ll never be a man-of-the-earth like him.” That is, I thought that I could never be “handy” like him or able to build and fix things using my hands. Because after all, I handed dad the wrong tool that day…So, I must be “bad” at using my hands for such things. Instead, I’ll be an academic…book smart instead of street smart.
And that’s how it was for me growing up. At every turn, I contracted at the thought of taking “shop” class in high school, and as an adult, I dreaded the thought of fixing something in the house or putting together something as simple as a Christmas bicycle. The words, “household maintenance,” became synonymous with being told I need to have a “root canal.” It was unpleasant to think I would have to do something that involved fixing, building, or having to use my hands to do either. I just couldn’t do it. At least, that is what I thought.
You Cannot Out Perform Your Own Self Image
Fast forward to when I was twenty-eight years old and my wife tells me that the garbage disposal at home was no longer working. Being the “can-do” kind of man I thought I was, I did the one thing any red-blooded, self-reliant man would do…I called a plumber.
When he came to the house, I showed him to the sink where the broken garbage disposal was and I proceeded to walk away to let him do his work undisturbed. No sooner had I turned did he advise me that the job was done and the garbage disposal was fixed. I said, “What? How can that be?”
He then showed me the reset button located at the base of the garbage disposal…It was a trip-fuse that would pop out and shut the disposal unit off in the event the tines within the disposal got jammed, for example, when a spoon or fork might fall into the drain unbeknownst to anyone. If the fuse didn’t shut the disposal off, it would likely overheat and burnout causing a fire or permanent damage to the disposal itself. It is a safety feature on the disposal that I was unaware was available.
After paying the $50 to the plumber for the service call, I vowed to never let something like that happen to me; at least it wasn’t ever going to happen to me again when it came to the garbage disposal!
Another time, I was considering remodeling the basement in my house to create an entertainment room for watching television and relaxing with friends when they visited. What did I do? Yes; I called a contractor and got an estimate for the work I wanted done. The price tag for all the remodeling I wanted done, $30,000. I was stunned. I didn’t have that kind of money to spend.
After moping around for several days because the cost of the remodeling would be so expensive, my wife said to me, "You’re a smart guy. Why don’t you do it yourself? Call your father and ask him what to do. He’ll help you. Go to the library and get some books on how to do the work as well. I know you can do this yourself.”
She was right. I did exactly as she suggested. After a summer of dry wall and sanding, I got the basement remodeled how I wanted it to be done. The cost of the entire project was less than $5000; an 80% savings over the original contractor estimate.
Lastly, after I separated from the military following the first Gulf War, I started my civilian career with insurance sales. My manager had provided me with the name of a client who was in need of a review of his policies. I called the client, set the appointment and embarked on meeting them the next day.
At the time, I was the sole wage-earner for the family. With two children under three years old, we made the decision to have my wife stay at home in order to help raise the children while I worked. We also lived in an apartment and had to budget things very closely since I was starting a new agency and business in a profession that was a complete departure from what we both were accustomed to after spending the last nine years in the military.
The car I drove was a used one with the paint fading on it…it was functional, but it was also very “used” looking. My suits could be described in a similar manner; they weren’t used but they weren’t tailored or fitted like I would have wanted. They were plain. Money was “tight,” as some would say. And as a result, we had to watch carefully what we spent our money on.
Self Image Defines the Realm of the Possible
The next evening, while driving to the appointment, I noticed the neighborhood I was going to had a lot of condominiums in it. As I drove closer to my destination, I saw that the condominiums I had been looking at were not condominiums at all; they were houses, big houses. The address I pulled into had a long driveway that ended into a courtyard where there was a Mercedes and several other “high end” cars parked in it. My car looked out of place; I looked out of place. I felt very uncomfortable. These people were obviously very wealthy and in a different social strata than me.
I was correct. They were very wealthy people who had been successful in real estate. In their mid-seventies, they were a gracious couple who welcomed me into their home and allowed me to review their life insurance and investments with them. Afterwards, I returned to the office where I met up with my manager.
The Question That Changed My Professional and Personal Life Forever
Anxious to hear how his new agent had done that evening, my manager asked me, “How did it go?” I told him about the appointment, what we reviewed and about how they had become successful selling real estate and building homes.
He then asked, “Did you sell them anything?” And I responded with, “No. I can’t sell them anything.” Then he asked me the question of questions; the question that would reveal for me the secret to why most people fail in life, fail to realize their dreams, or fail to reach their potential and be successful.
It was a question that was as genius as it was an indictment against my own twisted thinking and poor self-image as an agent. He asked me, “Why not; who told you that you couldn’t sell them anything?”
“Why Not; Who Told You that You Couldn’t Sell Them Anything?”
I think he was stunned at my response. He just stood there looking at me with a puzzled expression, walking away after a couple of speechless seconds ticked by…I was embarrassed and somewhat ashamed at the fact that I hadn’t thought myself capable of selling this rich, elderly couple one of the products I had to offer. I did have products and services they could have used. But instead of talking to them about it when I was there for the review appointment, I left without ever broaching the subject; thinking I wasn't worthy or able to sell them anything.
If You Think You Can or You Think You Cannot; You are Right!
I wish I could end the story of the older couple by telling you that I returned for a second appointment after my manager’s comment selling them something that they needed. But that is not what happened. Yes; I did return in follow-up to suggest some things that they might want to consider with their current life insurance program and some other investment options they could pursue with me. But in the end, they didn’t buy and I walked away without any sale.
But, what I did walk away with instead was something far more valuable then I could have ever imagined at the time. What I gained was an understanding of the power of self-image to define me, to define my life, to define my outcomes and my success or failures both personally and professionally.
In retrospect, it wasn’t my father who told me I couldn’t fix things or use my hands for building and repairing things. It wasn’t anyone who told me I couldn’t fix a garbage disposal or remodel a basement room into an entertainment center. Nor was it any specific person who told me I couldn’t sell that older couple anything. It was me who was limiting…me.
Who Defines the Realm of the Possible for You?
I was the one who was placing limits on my potential and defining boundaries that confined me to being “just” an academic, or just a mediocre salesman, or someone who can’t instead of someone who could or can do something if he puts his mind to it.
How foolish I was in life. How could I have ever missed this before? How could I have done this to myself?
How About You? What Do You Think About Your Abilities & Our Profession?
Attitude isn’t everything; it’s the only thing. What do you think about yourself? What do you think about your abilities as an agent, a professional, an expert? Do you believe you can be successful? Do you think you bring value to people's lives when you consult with them? Do you respect yourself?
Believe in Yourself and the Future is Yours...
How do you feel about our profession; about being an insurance professional? How do you see yourself in relation to being an insurance agent? Do you feel funny about it; or a bit shy or even a little embarrassed about it because of the public’s misunderstanding about our industry?
Do you think we are noble in our pursuits to sell people insurance and investment products? When people ask you what you do for a living, do you try to avoid telling them the plain truth by masking it in language that paints a picture which is other than the whole truth?
Have past circumstances somehow convinced you that you can’t do something? Have past failures defined for you boundaries that limit your potential to be successful or achieve your dreams? Is your poor self-image telling you you’re not good enough for something or not smart enough? Who is holding you back? Is it you?
Everyone experiences self-doubt. Some experience self doubt more than others; but we all have some measure of doubt or question whenever we embark on a new endeavor, forge toward a new direction or undertake a new challenge. Unfamiliarity and uncertainty create a natural tension within each of us.What I am referring to goes deeper and speaks to the core belief you have in yourself, your abilities, your right to be happy and worthy of success.
What's Holding You back? Who is Holding You back?
Be sure that the boundaries in life that you do encounter are not one’s that have been self imposed.
You cannot out-perform your own self image. If you think you can’t make those calls, if you think you can’t make those sales, if you think you can’t achieve that goal…then you are right.
Today, if you visit my house, you will see that my garbage disposal works, my basement is finished and even my garage is dry walled and fitted out like an extra living room in my house. I did all of that because, I am a man-of-the-earth now. I no longer define myself as an academic...Instead, I am a man who refuses to think he is incapable of doing anything...I am a man that works with his mind...and his hands. No longer will I limit myself by poor thinking and a poor self image.
Am I arrogant for writing such a thing? I don't think so. It is because of the lesson of self image; the lesson that says, ‘You cannot out-perform your own self image,” that allows me to write these words.
It is because of the question I was asked years ago, “Why not; who told you that you couldn’t sell them anything?” I was never going to do that to myself ever again…I hope you feel the same way.
In my garage is a workbench full of tools. Ask me for a certain tool, and I promise you, I'll get you the right one. Proving once again, I am a man-of-the-earth despite any past failures, shortcomings, or evidence to the contrary.
Copyright © 2009 - Tony Cefalu
